011: Time, wait up for me

Hi again,

It’s been a while. Life sped up, and it hasn’t slowed down.

I have so much I’d like to share with you, so many lessons and observations. But I can’t seem to organize them. I sit to gather my thoughts and each turns to blurry lines and dots and squiggles and memories and echoes… lost to time.

But maybe that’s what this letter is. And why its taken so long to come back to you in this way?

Time.

Me waiting for it. But it not waiting for me. While it moves on with you.

It scares me.

Watching you both grow has unlocked an unknown fear of time. Of time slipping away while I’m preoccupied with other things. Of missing out on who you are now. Of spending time with the right people while I can. Of looking back at the end and wondering where it went and why I wasn’t there.

Maybe it’s not that I’m scared of time, but that I’m more aware of it.

I see you, and I see how you’ve grown since yesterday and last week. I see how your interests have changed from fire trucks and Paw Patrol to outer space and whether we’re alone in the universe.

And I’ve caught myself watching you in quiet moments, like a movie, seeing each version of who you’ve been, sitting with who you are. Grasping to hold onto these quiet moments before they slip away.

Graham, I watched you watch Apollo 13 recently, and your reactions and the subtle cues in your expressions made me smile. I can’t describe what it felt like watching your face light up or your brow furrow as you asked a question about why this or that happened. But I, admittedly, also felt nostalgic for even just a few months ago, missing your pudgy cheeks and sweet little voice.

Halllie, I see you color and write, and learn with such voracity that I can’t even begin to imagine where you’ll go in life. I catch myself watching your hands while you color and write, noticing the small ways in which you’ve learned to grip the pencil to move it this way and that way with ease.

For me, you’re totems of time ticking away. I love seeing you grow. But it’s a reminder that this life is short and time doesn’t slow down for anyone.

And in waiting on time to slow… I’ve learned that it’s me who needs to slow down and bathe in the moments with you. Because they’re fleeting. And I know it.

Until next time,

Love,

Dad

Written Feb. 2, 2026